Twas the month before Christmas..

As we step into December, something shifts. The list doubles. The expectations sky rocket. And suddenly, the stories we tell ourselves - the quiet inner monologues that hum beneath the surface - get louder than a primary school carol service (with recorder accompaniment). 

This time of year has a way of amplifying those old, inherited narratives about who we should be, how much we should carry, and what our family needs from us. And as mums, we absorb them more deeply than most.

But what if these stories aren’t the truth?

What if they’re simply scripts we’ve learned over the years..and therefore scripts we can change?

Below, I’m breaking down the four biggest festive narratives I see in mums every year… and offering small, practical ways so you can flip the script on your Christmas story this year. 

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1. “I need to make Christmas magical… or I’ve failed.” -

Author - The Perfectionist 

Are you sitting comfortably? Coz this one digs deep.

Most of us grew up with a very particular narrative: Mum makes the magic.

She creates the sparkle. She provides the comfort and joy. She warms the mood  on even the coldest of Christmas occasions. Oh, and she also brings the jollity and jingle all the way, of course. 

And now… that mantle sits on your shoulders.

The inner story sounds like:

• “If I don’t do all the traditions, my kids will miss out.”

• “I haven’t done enough - crafting, gifting, magic making”.

• “Everyone else seems to be smashing it, so why can’t I?”

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But let’s see what you remembered as a kid at christmas.

Perfect table-scaping? Coordinated christmas outfits? Beautiful gift wrapping? 

No! You remember the warmth, laughter, hanging out all day in your PJs and and the thrill of a lumpy stocking on christmas morning.  

You won’t remember when the potatoes burnt and that you weren’t at the latest ‘santa experience’- you were just happy to be bowling around at home with your family with a paper hat on and not a care in the world. 

Let's rewrite this:

Old script: “I must create a magical Christmas.”

New script: “ Simplicity and connection is the magic.”

Small practical shifts:

• Choose one activity or tradition that feels genuinely joyful and easeful  for you - keep it, ditch the rest.

• Tell yourself: “If this adds stress instead of joy, it’s a no this year.”

• Replace “Should we do this?” with “Do I want to do this?”

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2. “Everyone else is doing it better than me.”

Author - The Comparison Thief 

December in our modern digital world is… a lot.

Matching pyjamas, immaculate trees, curated crafts, festive days out that look straight outta Richard Curtis movie. And your brain goes:

• "My house looks nothing like that.”

• “I don’t have time for ANY of these activities.”

• “My kids don’t behave like their kids. I must be  doing something wrong..”

NOTE TO SELF: you’re only ever seeing a highlights reel. It is often a performance, more convincing than the  greatest ‘shepherd #3’ in any primary nativity. 

Spend some time remembering the best memories you've had with your kids - I could bet you a tin of quality street they're not the big days out shown to others , but the quiet moments at home - impromptu hugs, the kitchen discos, snuggling up on the sofa to watch UP on a rainy day, the cups of tea and chats.

Let’s rewrite this:

Old script: “Everyone else has it together except me.”

New script: “I’m seeing a moment, not the full picture.”

Small practical shifts:

• Mute the accounts that trigger comparison for the next 3 weeks. Notice how you feel.

• Swap time scrolling for one small grounding thing (cup of tea, breathwork, stretching).

• Create a “real life list”  three things your family loves, then do them without posting or comparing. (You’ll start to care less about others if you model this yourself). 

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3. “It’s my job to keep the peace and create the joy.”

Author - The Emotional Shock Absorber 

Christmas brings out all the dynamics: Family politics. Grief. History. Expectations. Triggers.

And mums often become the sponge - soaking up tension, smoothing things over, managing personalities, cushioning conflict and giving it all some extra sparkle to finish off. 

The internal narrative goes:

• “I shouldn’t upset anyone. And if someone is upset, I need to fix it.”

• “It’s easier if I just keep the peace.”

• “I need to make sure everyone feels happy.”

But absorbing other people’s emotions is not your job. Being responsible for the entire emotional climate is not your role.

Rewrite the story:

Old script: “I must manage everyone’s emotions.”

New script: “I’m responsible for my energy, not everyone elses.”

Small practical shifts:

• Before a gathering, ask yourself: “What do I need to stay grounded today?”

• Give yourself permission to take breaks - a breather in the loo is legitimate self-care.

• Practice a neutral phrase like: “I can see this is important. Let’s come back to it later.”

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4. “I must do everything  because no one else will.”

Author - The Overloaded Mum

Let’s be honest. Being a mum at Christmas in 2025 is not the same as it was 20 or even 10 years ago.

The volume of requests has exploded. 

School comms, Christmas jumper days, PTA events, teacher gifts, handmade crafts, Elf on the Shelf, class parties, christmas eve boxes, santa experiences - Christmas marketing coming for your sanity. 

And this is - may I add - all while many mums still feel they are doing it without the “village” we were all promised.

The inner narrative becomes

• “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done - everyone relies on me.”

• “ This is just what’s expected of me”

• “Asking for help means I’m failing.”

  
  

Rewrite the story:

Old script: “I have to do it all myself.”

New script: “This load was never  meant for one person.”

Small practical shifts:

• Say “no” in advance  - prevent the overwhelm instead of managing it later.

• Ask your partner or family member: “What can you fully own this month?”

• Lower the bar intentionally: pick 3 things to remove from your December list.

Do you believe?

Beneath every festive pressure point are some beliefs I know I need to challenge I myself on each year. I wonder if you do too? How about:

You were never meant to carry this alone. Not the emotions,  the practicalities or the mental load. And certainly not at this pace, with these expectations - plus without that village.

And if the story you’ve been handed is “be everything to everyone”…it’s time to rewrite yours this year. 

This Christmas doesn’t need to be a perfect story - and certainly not one where the main protagonist is totally burnt out by boxing day. 

This Christmas needs more ease, less pressure and a leading role of what works for you. 

Now surely that’s the Christmas magic we can all believe in?!