Modern Motherhood - where did the village go?

You probably know by now that I'm a firm believer in the phrase “It takes a village to raise a child.” But what happens when the village is really bloody hard to find..?!

In generations past, motherhood came with built-in support. Family often lived nearby, neighbours dropped in, lasagnes were left on the doorstep and parenting was shared across the community. It wasn’t just someone popping over to ‘cuddle the baby’ or hand over a present, but all of child rearing - the disciplining, role modelling, the caring, the playing. There was a sense of belonging, connection, and mutual care.

A recent study in the for the Journal of Time Use Research has shown that Mothers are spending more time than ever with their children on a daily basis, whilst also working longest working hours since the 1980s. Today, many mums are doing it all - often without a safety net of friends and family around to help. We live miles away from family. We work, we parent, we manage homes, we keep up with endless to-do lists — all while comparing ourselves to the highlight reels of social media. We are parenting in a time where we have never been required to do so much.  

Take any school/festive holidays for example - the expectations of activities, endless entertainment, need to ‘make memories’ that our children will cherish forever. We are bombarded with how everyone else is doing it -  you can’t move for a picture of a dreamy looking beach holiday, elaborate easter bunny egg hunt, cosy pumpkin patch or festive elf on the shelf. The pressure is immense. 

It’s no wonder so many of us feel overwhelmed, isolated, and guilty for not “coping better.” Modern motherhood has become a solo act in a world that still expects the same standards of care, patience, and perfection as if we had a village behind us.

We know we were never meant to do this alone, but many modern mums are ruled by the little voice in their heads that tells them ‘you don’t deserve support’. 

And this is what drives me to do what I do. 

Why The Village Coach

Through my own motherhood journey (that is still a work in progress!) alongside 100s of hours coaching mums ,  I have come to two simple but powerful truths:

1. Rest is not indulgent.In fact, rest is productive, and it is essential. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and yet so many of us keep trying - until there’s nothing left to give.

2. No mum should do this alone. Every mother deserves a village, and no two villages will ever look the same. Herein lies  the beauty of building your own, unconventional village in modern motherhood. 

Sometimes your village is a partner who is willing to discuss the domestic load and hear you out in your resentment and frustration at the crumbs on the side. 

 Sometimes it’s a friend you can voice-note in total honesty without even needing a reply (sometimes explicitly asking for none). 

Sometimes it’s a cleaner who gives you back your Sunday afternoons.

 Sometimes, it’s carving out 20 minutes to sit, breath and drink a cup of something while it’s hot - even when the house is a mess, the kids need snacks and you have a to do list longer than you. 

Always…it starts when you can truly believe that you are worthy of help and support in whatever form that looks like for you. Your village doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s - and quite frankly, it shouldn’t. It will be totally, unapologetically and uniquely yours. But you do need one, trust me. And you deserve one, more than you’ll ever know. 

That’s why I became The Village Coach. I’m committed to  helping mums rewrite their story - to switch from surviving to carving out a life they really want, to begin to rediscover themselves, and build their own version of a village that supports who they are now.  Just because the village is hard to find it doesn't mean it’s not out there. And I’ve made it my mission to be the one supporting mums to find their own.